When I started dating the first woman I ever dated shout out to my wife , I was moderately terrified. There are so many unspoken rules, it would take a cryptologist to decipher them. A lesbian cryptologist. Mainly because women are complicated, but in the best way. And if you or someone you know is a budding lesbian or queer, bisexual, none of the above, or whatever term you prefer , these questions might be a good starting point. Either way, the best thing to do is to just ask. Which of course can be super awk, but only if you let it. Generally speaking, whoever wants to. Often times, whoever does the asking will pay.
Dating Is Tough When You’re a Bisexual Womxn—Here’s Why
S traight men have long had a fascination with lesbianism. Tap the word into Google and you can see the range of porn available, from “Naughty girls sharing their Huge Toy”, to “Vicky and Nea need no men”. I have lost count of the number of times men have asked me what I “do in bed”.
I’ve identified as lesbian/gay/queer for a long time now, and coming out was I’m not saying women who date men in straight contexts can’t or.
Personally, two years into my first-ever lesbian relationship, I’m very happy to take the time to acknowledge the amazing lesbians out there in the world — my girlfriend included. And, as someone who has had sex with women but only dated men before this relationship, I appreciate being in a lesbian relationship all the more. Firstly, I’m a bisexual and proud of it. And being in a lesbian relationship in no way takes away from the fact that I am a bisexual — there is no acceptance of bi erasure here.
Still bi. Still here. Still proud. But what being in a lesbian relationship has done is made me realize how effing amazing being in a lesbian relationship is. Because there are a lot of differences between dating a man and dating a woman and most of them make me so freaking grateful that the person I fell for is a fellow femme.
So if you’ve ever thought about acting out your sapphic leanings and switching your Tinder search to women, here are some factors worth considering.
After Being with a Woman for 15 Years, I Married a Man
The Frisky — There are a lot of misconceptions about lesbians. I’m confronted with them daily and, frankly, hearing this stuff is like getting smacked in the face with a wet rag. Usually, when someone fires off a stereotype, I am so shocked that I just stand there, staring, opening and closing my mouth like a big, dumb goldfish. So I’m going to take this opportunity to get up on my soapbox and stamp out all the stupid, ignorant misconceptions I have heard over the years.
Hopefully, next time I hear one of these things I can eloquently explain why it’s untrue rather than just stammering, “What!? Lesbians hate men.
I’m confronted with them daily and, frankly, hearing this stuff is like getting Being gay is easier than being straight because you’re dating.
This piece was originally published at TheLStop. Within every lesbian community there exists a tale as old as time, a proverb as common as it is contentious: Bi women cheat, betray, and ultimately leave — never for another woman, but for a man. Like those who flee the tumults of city life for quieter and less complicated pastures, bisexual women may seem destined, in the eyes of gay women, to trade the grit and hardships of queer life for the suburbs of heteroville.
But is this really because we prefer a life of white-picket simplicity and comfort? Or could it be that, when it comes to romance between queer women, the game has been rigged from the start? Like many stereotypes, the lived experiences of one group have almost certainly colored the perceptions of another, however unfairly or inaccurately.
I spent the first two decades of my life living as a closeted trans woman — a bisexual male to the outside world. I have since transitioned, and now live as a bisexual woman. My experiences with dating, both before and after transitioning, have magnified the differences in how courtship and sexual pursuit are modeled for both genders.
Physically, I mean.
Why Bisexual Women Struggle In Lesbian Relationships
Recently, I endured a week more cursed than an image of Megyn Kelly smiling: two men asked for my number, and I gave it to them. That ship has sailed, and the thought of relapsing sends a shiver down my spine. And yet, within the span of one cursed week, I gave my contact info to two very forward men.
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Dating as a queer woman presents a unique set of issues. Men would either ask me to explain what the term meant, incorrectly assume they knew exactly what it meant, or completely misidentify me. It quickly became a frustrating ritual for me, a self-identified queer woman and someone with a graduate-level education in gender and queer studies, to constantly be in a position of educating. Knowing what the term queer means, and how people choose to use and identity with it is vital.
Being queer, like being gay or straight is not a choice. It is a form of sexual identification and gender, and for some, the term even falls into a larger social and political stance. By the s, queerness started to gain academic notoriety through the work of queer studies scholar Eve Sedgwick. Sedgwick, along with other scholars, encouraged people to think about sexuality on a spectrum and abandon the idea that gender identity exists within binaries, such as being male and female.
Rather, it is something more fluid and that allows for more nuance in the way that people choose to identify and express themselves. In the early s, this become part of larger conservations on speaking about non-normative sexual and identity politics in a more inclusive way. Queerness is community and solidarity.
The bisexuality dating dilemma
Dating is a minefield as it is so many bullshitters and a-holes to dodge, FFS , but what specific dating insecurities do lesbian, bi, pan, trans and gender non-conforming people have to deal with? Here, 12 queer women share their biggest dating insecurities. Be prepared to feel so seen.
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Being queer just fit me. It fucking sucks! How does one successfully navigate such a dramatic shift in a long-held and cherished identity?! Is it possible to have relationships with men devoid of internalized homophobia, misogyny, etc? Is it worthwhile to tell this person how I feel — could I possibly expect anyone to navigate all this baggage with me?
What do I do to feel good about myself in the interim? First of all, congrats on being so self-aware! I know you know this but it bears repeating: being attracted to this dude does not make you not queer anymore.
I Came Out As A Lesbian While I Was Married To A Man.
Is it worthwhile to tell him how you feel? If you do tell him when you feel, you might learn and grow from it in ways that are hard to anticipate from here regardless of how he responds. Yes, yes you can possibly. Is this guy going to ask a person who can and will navigate it with you? Again, no man!
He says he’s bisexual, but I’m worried he’s actually gay. I once asked him when we first started dating if he was with me to appease his family.
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I’m Not A Lesbian Because I’m Dating A Woman — I’m Still Bi
Before I met and married my husband, I was with my ex for 15 years, but only married for 6 months. That’s because I was with a woman when California legalized same-sex marriage. We had been the iconic lesbian couple: an artist and a writer — teachers and activists. People saw us as the perfect couple. I had been deeply invested in my identity as a lesbian and in my identity as half of a loving, perfect partnership.
After having been — as my mother put it — “boy crazy” in my teens and twenties, falling in love with a woman in my early thirties had been a revelation.
I am 5-foot-9, brunette, lesbian, that won’t alter because of our vows; nor will my love of women, though I won’t be dating them. If either of us.
But the real question is, how can you tell if she’s NOT a lesbian? Don’t fret, my confused little lez. You’re in the right place. I’m a pretty talentless, year-old lesbian, who struggles with many things in life. I’m overwhelmed by menial tasks, like responding to text messages and listening to voicemails.
I still screw up “than” and “then” much to the dismay of my editor.